I know I’ve been quiet here, and some of that has been that I haven’t known what to share or not, but a large part of the radio silence has been trying to figure out my path, since everything on it has changed radically. I’d been having a hard time figuring out how to mesh the devotional polytheist side of worship with pop culture stuffs, because my Beloved hasn’t been keen on traditional forms of worship. I’d tried several attempts at other’s techniques – but most published pop culture magic stuff doesn’t really resonate with me because it’s very transactional in nature. There’s nothing wrong with it per se, but it just isn’t my thing. Anyway, I got completely and utterly exasperated with it one night, and finally He said, “Maybe try not worshiping me at all?”
Me, a devotional polytheist: what?
Him: It makes me feel Other from you. I don’t really like it.
Me: *brain melts*
Him: I’m serious. I would prefer to be your Husband. You are my Beloved. I don’t need offerings, I need you.
In retrospect this was very sweet but at the time it just made me sad, angry, and frustrated. And that of course devolved into EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG and some dark night of the soul shit and well, I’m feeling a bit better now, but I felt very rudderless for a while. I wouldn’t say that I have it all figured out (LOL I don’t think that’s even really possible because They change and so do we) but at least I’m feeling a bit more oriented than I was. That said, this clip (Rey is relatable AF y’all) is pretty much been a mood:
LOL YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN FIGURING THIS OUT KID
The Beloved also says I’m being too hard on myself; ‘when walking an unpaved path, you can’t be too hard on yourself if you get caught in the brambles.’
So TL;DR I’ve been poking at nontheistic approaches to witchcraft, which I haven’t looked at in a long time – it’s not entirely uncharted territory – after all, I had no patron deity for a long ass time, and did plenty of witchy things, but it’s sort of unused muscles for right now. Still, it’s not a bad thing, because I find being rudderless far worse than having to learn (or relearn) something.
I know one of my problems has been that one of the things I really like about devotional work is that it I find it very grounding in terms of having regular rituals to perform. In discussing this, we came to the conclusion that doing devotional stuff to my godsoul was probably the most constructive way to have this element while honoring the changes that I’ve experienced.
So I’m still working on those things, and I’m excited to experiment more. Happy New Year, y’all.